A Something Place

13.1.11

I am not the kind of girl

DAY OOOO2
"Your first love."

Hm. Well my first love was hard. But true. But good. It was unexpected. It was made clear to me one night at temple square. I knew what I felt and what it was. I remember a lot. A lot of thought. A lot of tears over it all. A lot of smiles. I think the thing about loving something really is that you learn a lot about yourself. And I know I did that. And I learned about openness and truth. I learned what is real love and what is love for only a moment. I learned that real love lasts. It doesn't go away. When you love something you don't get bored or sick of it after awhile. It's always there. Love is an interesting thing. Love is a hurtful thing. Love is a hard thing. When you love something enough, when you want something enough, letting yourself fall short seems to be one of the worst ways to live.

But that's just me.

12.1.11

I never know what to do with my love

Day 00001

Lauren.
Nicole.
Faber.
Dancer.
Singer.
Actress.
Outgoing.
Painfully shy.
Loud.
Emotional.
A crier.
A daughter.
LDS.
Creative.
Boring.
Smart.
No common sense.
Good listener.
Excellent talker.
Loves.
Determined.
Strong.
Able.
Broken.
Learner.
Teacher.
Hidden.
Open.
A Laugher.
Loves driving.
ZUPAS!
WINGERS!
Hot chocolate.
80's music videos.
Friends.
Siblings.
Reading.
Dresses.
Silly.
Calm.
Off the walls.
Intense.
Easy-going.
Obnoxious.
Hallucinate-r.
Dreamer.
Sleeper.
CRAZY.

BASICALLY, the "L" effect. :)

How to hold my heart

CHRYSTALYN FINCH I STOLE THIS FROM YOU :)

Thank dearie :)

Day 01 – Introduce yourself with pictures and words
Day 02 – Your first love 
Day 03 – Your parents 
Day 04 – What you ate today  
Day 05 – Your definition of love 
Day 06 – Your day
Day 07 – Your best friend 
Day 08 – A moment 
Day 09 – Your beliefs
Day 10 – What you wore today  
Day 11 – Your siblings 
Day 12 – What’s in your bag 
Day 13 – This week
Day 14 – What you wore today
Day 15 – Your dreams
Day 16 – Your first kiss
Day 17 – Your favorite memory 
Day 18 – Your favorite birthday
Day 19 – Something you regret 
Day 20 – This month 
Day 21 – Another moment 
Day 22 – Something that upsets you
Day 23 – Something that makes you feel better 
Day 24 – Something that makes you cry
Day 25 – A first
Day 26 – Your fears
Day 27 – Your favorite place 
Day 28 – Something that you miss 
Day 29 – Your aspirations 
Day 30 – One last moment

10.1.11

I knitted you a hat

DEAR INGRID, THIS IS WHY I LOVE YOU.

Still want to hold you and kiss behind your ears
But i recount the countless tears that i lost for you

Starting now I'll never know your name
Starting now I'll never feel the same
Starting now I wish you never came into my world.

It's my world, it's not ours anymore

I took a faith full leap and packed up all my things and
All my love and gave it to somebody else

But we've got our love to pay the bills

I am in love with a boy
Manufactured to destroy

What if I fall further than you?
What if you dream of somebody new?

Everyone is hurting now and everything is burning down
But I can build back my new town today

There's a boy next to me and he never will be anything but a boy at the bar.
And I think he's the tops, he's where everything stops.
How I love to love him from afar.

Happy is the heart that still feels pain

And so it goes, this soldier knows the battle with the heart isn't easily won.

They say that home is where the heart is. I guess I haven't found my home.

They say you're really not somebody
Until somebody else loves you
Well, I am waiting to make somebody
Somebody soon

you let me in but then you slam my fingers in the door.
i've had enough but i keep asking you to give me more.

And everything you love and hold so dear
It won't really matter when we disappear

And promise not to promise anymore

I'll never say I'll never love
But I don't say a lot of things
And you my love are gone

Like an angry apple tree
I throw my apples if you get too close to me

Hey when was the last time you laughed
and did you mean it when you did?

You are your own worst enemy, you'll never win the fight

I always seem to forget
How fragile are the very strong.

I'm sorry I can't stay
So I put band-aids on your knees
And watch you fly away

Don't be afraid
It's not bad to be sad

Open me up and you will see
I'm a gallery of broken hearts

When the cracks on my bedroom ceiling
Give me this empty bottle feeling
I think its time to repaint

You've made me into someone who should not hold a loaded gun

Trying to make your heart fit like a glove

I'm just a stranger, even to myself.
A re-arranger of the proverbial bookshelf.

You make me think that maybe I won't die alone

Have you ever thought about what protects our hearts?
Just a cage of rib bones and other various parts.
So it's fairly simple to cut right through the mess,
And to stop the muscle that makes us confess.

But I'm not 17 and I lost it in-between
The birthday cakes and fast mistakes
That roll by

You fasten my seatbelt because it is the law

Oh what a way that we died
Plenty of tears were supplied
My eyes are wrung out and dry as a bone
And I taste much better alone

I have come to learn I'll only see you interrupting my dreams at night

That you don't need me, but you won't leave me
My loves too big for you my love

I will pack my bags just to stay in the corner of your heart

I will grow my own trees, while you follow the moon

Sometimes what we think we want we really don't.
Sometimes what we think we love we don't.

If you have the last hands that I want to hold
Then I know I've got to let them go

And I am blind. I can not find the heart I gave to you

There's nothing to say that hasn't been heard

I want to change the world
Instead I sleep

Cuz I love you more than I could ever promise
And you take me the way I am

The snow is folding, sheet upon sheet
Our hands not holding as we cross the street

If you were falling, then I would catch you
You need a light, I'd find a match

I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand
I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned

But I'm gonna wash away, oh I'm gonna wash away everything til you come home to me

Baby if I've got you, I don't need a parachute.
You're gonna catch me, you're gonna catch me if I fall

6.1.11

You don't have no Uncle Albert

MAYSON THIS IS FOR YOU.
P.S. I LOVE YOU

In 2011 I will learn to be a best friend, good daughter, studious student, talented performer, humble child of God, a kind sister, a patient aunt, and a contributing member of society. In 2011 I will reach heights I never imagined. In 2011 I will dance until I pass out, sing from my heart, cry when I feel like it, and laugh in the wrong moment and in the face of tragedy. In 2011 I will train myself. I will study harder, develop good habits, and do things wether or not I am lazy or tired. In 2011 I will come closer to the gospel. Not only will I be thankful for all my blessings, but I will take each trial graciously as a gift and opportunity to grow. In 2011 I will finish Personal Progress, read my scriptures, pray daily, and thrive on using the atonement. In 2011 I will develop healthy relationships. I will meet new people, make new bonds, fall in love, get broken and picked back up again. In 2011 I will get to know people because I want to know them. I will seek out those who need me and I will change people's lives. In 2011 I will make mistakes. In 2011 I will want to take back words as soon as they leave my mouth, I will lose patience, I will change my outfit five times one day, I will trip while walking up stairs, and I will fail tests. In 2011 I will grow from my mistakes and become stronger. In 2011 I will discover what I like. I will listen to music I love, taste new foods, choose a favorite color and change it a week later, find a new T.V. show, decide what I want to be when I grow up, and figure out my favorite shape. In 2011 I will exercise and lose weight. Then I will gain it all back again. In 2011 I will write new lyrics and poems about my experiences. I will share them and not keep them hidden. In 2011 I will expand my musical talents. I will play guitar and learn to read music. In 2011 I will love everyone I come in contact with. I will leave all judgement at the door and see people for who they are. In 2011 I will be strong. I will not be torn down by people's comments. I will accept who I am and be happy with myself. In 2011 I will be brave. I will stand for what I know and be strong enough to say Stop or No. I will not make mistakes of my past. In 2011 I will be determined. I will not give up after one try, and I will not give in to disappointment. In 2011 I will blast my music loud, sing in the car, let my hair loose, and smile for no reason. In 2011 I will tell others what I think. I will not be afraid to show myself and I will not be afraid of friendship. In 2011 I will dance in the rain, run barefoot on sand, and swim until I become a prune. In 2011 I will live like I am dying and do what I want. In 2011 I will discover what I like, what I want, who I want, where I want to be, and how I'm getting there. In 2011 I will discover myself. In 2011 I will find who I am.