maybe next year.

Party Like it's your birthday

I said there was one thing that I wanted for my Birthday.
ONE thing.


Please make it come true.

So we could party too. Hey!

I can't believe this is happening.
Honestly and truly I can't.
I never thought I'd make it.
Then again... maybe I won't!
I really truly, honestly, for reals, never ever thought I'd make this day.
It can't be tomorrow. It can't be.
That's too real.
I thought it was a dream.
Something I really have been looking forward to since I was 12 years old.
And now it's here.
It's a day away.
Even if for others it wasn't a big deal at all...
This is one of those things since I was a little girl It's all I wanted to be.
It was one of those dreams that was so far away I thought I'd never make it.
And here it is. Right in front of me.
Less than 24 hours away.
No one ruins this for me. No one.
It's mine.
Tick tock. FINALLY here.
It's unbelievable. I can't grasp it.
Tomorrow.....


16.

Please look closely and find her before she fades away

I feel overwhelmed.
That kind of feeling when you get after reading a good book and you don't want it to end.
When you honestly feel what the characters were feeling.
When you feel your life is so boring and meaningless in comparison that you have so much you need to do and can't bring yourself to do any of it.
That feeling when you had a horrible race and all you want to do is improve but you injured your flippin hip which detains you from not only running, but dancing as well.
When you feel like you've been pushed back into a sea of people that are never going to change their opinions about you.
When you basically have the same people in all of your classes.
When people's sarcasm pushes you over the edge.
When you know you miss the thing that you long to have most, but can't.
When you can't find a dress for homecoming.
(when you're SO excited you got asked :) :) :) ))
That feeling when all you ever want to do lately is sleep.
Or when you're forced alone for hours on end and can't find anything to do with yourself.
When people saying anything makes you want to punch them in the face.
When you have creepy dreams that haunt you because they were so disturbing and frightening.
That feeling when you think you're losing connection with everyone.
When you can't figure out your schedule because it's honestly so crazy.
When you're afraid of talking to people.
Or when the lady who is making your dress won't answer her phone and you miss an opportunity for an appointment you likely won't be able to make time for in the near future.
When you just want life at ease.
Yet you're still completely happy through all of this?
Even if you don't show it?
But really are having a great-crazy-fun-wonderful time?

yeah. That's how I feel.

Some Ghosts are Never Gone

So Anyway

Next To Normal:

So anyway I'm leaving

I thought you'd like to know

You faithful come-what-may

But clearly I can't stay

We'd both go mad that way

So here I go

And anyway I'm leaving

I guess that you can tell

For years I fought the dread

I wish I'd left instead

But better late than dead

And so farewell

With you always beside me

To catch me when I fall

I'd never get to know the feel

Of solid ground at all

With you always believing

That we can still come through

It makes me feel the fool

To know that it's not true

What doctors call dysfunction

We tried to call romance

And true it's quite a trick

To tell the dancers from the dance

But rather than let chance take me

I'll take a chance

I'll take a chance on leaving

It's that or stay and die

I loved you once and though

You love me still I know

It's time for me to fly

I loved you once and though

I love you still I know

It's time for me to go

And so, goodbye

There comes a time when you fade to the blackness

I don't want my birthday to come.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want this to be a big deal.

I don't want school to start.

I don't want to miss you.

I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night.

I don't want to cry anymore.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

I don't want to keep bending rules.

I don't want to put up with the mean things you say.

I don't want to go through loop holes.

I don't want to be someone that I'm not.

I don't want it to be August 30th.

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't.

Would it be okay? Would it be okay if I took your breath away?

Look me in the eyes when you talk to me.
Stop veering your attention to lies.
Use real words when you speak to me.
Not repetitive ways of goodbyes.


Mean what you say. And say what you mean.
Do what you want. But want what you do.


Be the kind of person you wish you were.
Live the way you told me you would.


Tell me again what you want.
Tell it to my face.


Stand up. Be it.


Now look me in the eyes.
And believe it.

I'm going out this evening I check the mirror twice

I've been working my pants off.
All I have to say.

Exhausted.

How he loved her pudding, served promptly at eight o'clock,

Stop listening with your ears.
Listen with your heart.
Give full attention to the sounds at hand.
Use all the might to understand.
Give heed, share advice.
But stop please, listening with your ears.
Those little things on the side of your head not meant for much good.
But listen with your heart. Every way you turn.
Listen to those with the best that you can.
Rely. And truly listen.

Stop seeing with your eyes.
See with your heart.
Look out for places you can help.
Be aware of those you can serve.
Look through your heart to see who needs you.
Don't stray the vision, keep it straight.
Search with all to find where you need to be.
Use your heart as your compass, your navigation.
And leave your broken eyes at home.
Use the red thing inside us all to look and see the truth.

Stop thinking with your brain.
Think with your heart.
Stop analyzing every step. move. motion. twitch.
Don't stress over where to place your trust, your feelings.
Think with your heart.
Think about where it tells you to go.
Your brain will get you textbook answers.
Your heart will get you life answers.
Leave the brain at home.
Keep your heart with you always.

Stop feeling with regret.
Feel with your heart.
Love with it too.

Use it to sympathize with others, to have their point of view.

Dig down, deep, to where it matters,

Don't feel from the surface, go below.

Never neglect the gift we've been given.

Love with your heart.

Feel sorrow with your heart.

Learn with your heart.

Leave regret behind.

Remember to use your heart,

You're heart is all you need.

It's about the morning breaking always just a bit too soon

Oh the joys of sixth grade.  I started poetry long before now. Here is an 11 year old classic:

Mother's Always Right
By: Lauren Faber


Waking late one day
I said at home I'd stay
When mother came into my room
I was in real deep doom


"No one's here" I loudly said,
And slipped under the sheets of my bed


"What are you still dong here?
You are late for school, dear!
Get up and go. Run. Run. Run.
If you don't your day won't be fun."


"My day will be fun because I won't be late.
Im not going to school, for school I hate."


The end of the story is very sad.
But if you're my mother it was glad
She made me go to school, you see
But there is a moral to this sad story.


Always try to do what's right.
When your mother says something, don't start a fight
Because no matter what to her you say,
She'll make you do it anyway.

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth

Hide and Seek. Imogen Heap

Where are we? What the [heck :)] is going on?
The dust has only just begun to fall,
Crop circles in the carpet, sinking, feeling.
Spin me round again and rub my eyes.
This can't be happening.
When busy streets a mess with people
would stop to hold their heads heavy.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines.
All those years they were here first.

Oily marks appear on walls
Where pleasure moments hung before.
The takeover, the sweeping insensitivity of this
still life.

Hide and seek.
Trains and sewing machines. (Oh, you won't catch me around here)
Blood and tears,
They were here first.

Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that you only meant well? Well, of course you did.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's all for the best? Ah of course it is.
Mmm, what you say?
Mm, that it's just what we need? And you decided this.
Mmm what you say?
What did she say?

Ransom notes keep falling out your mouth.
Mid-sweet talk, newspaper word cut-outs.
Speak no feeling, no I don't believe you.
You don't care a bit. You don't care a bit.

You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.
You don't care a bit.

Knock one more time. Please.:

Letters at the door.

Flowers on the porch.

A kiss on the forehead goodnight.

A hand to hold tight.

Rainy day still to come.

A heart that's already won.

Lies to trick all.

A trust begins to fall.

A smile to cure all wounds.

Four eyes gaze at the moon.

A promise whispered into the air.

Thought to be kept because they care.

A drop of intent.

A moment well bent.

Apology to be repeated.

Resistance already defeated.

Caught up in the act.

Too scared to admit the fact.

Trust shared by two.

Then trust again renewed.

Most hidden darkness shared.

Now both of them are scared.

So tears fall to the floor.

As one begs for more.

Left to lay on the street.

Turn away, no gaze to meet.

Understand. please. please.

Cold air blows, as now he leaves.

Stop talking so nothing comes out.

Stop causing the reason for doubt.

Be better. Be more. Be it.

And then learn just to commit.

And the second you think he's drawn...

He turns around. And now he's gone.

.../..

I seem to have bad luck that's invisible to everyone else.

Once again.








If only any one knew.

only two.

The history books forgot about us, the bible didn't even mention us

I picked up the leaf from the wet sidewalk and examined the veins on the back.

I had each line memorized perfectly.

I traced them all with the tip of my thumb.

I knew this leaf. I knew it well.

I took it as a treasure.

I locked it away in a box of mine, and told no one of it's whereabouts.

I went back every day, often enough to study the magical tracings.

How could I follow it all exactly with my eyes closed, I knew not.

It was a secret with myself, and secret I didn't understand how I knew.

But one I held it close to me. It gave me all I needed.

I'd think about it often. It would be in the back of my mind.

I'd hold it close treasure this little incentive of knowledge.

Until one day I grabbed my lock box.

Carefully uncovered the lid.

I found my leaf. Destroyed.

Ripped, broken, torn, suffering.

All my own little world vanished.

What I held dear, what was my own special, gone. Forever.

I picked up the pieces as I attempted to string it back together.

A tear falling for every piece as I went along.

Until finally I gave up.

I resisted ever looking in that box again.

Although upon more than one occasion I remembered back to my leaf.

How I knew it perfectly I never discovered.

But what happiness I got from it was evident.

I was thankful for the memory of my own secret.

But torn inside for the loss of what made me myself.

Happy is the heart that still feels pain

As my little sister's legs swing forward I push her with all my might.
I love to laugh with her as I listen to the noise of the weather
The earth is upset,
As she send her tears of rain upon us.

I try to think back to when it ended.
When was it I actually stopped crying myself to sleep?
I don't anymore.
       But I did.
For months. At what point was it over?

It's comforting to know I'm not alone
As I watch the millions of tears drop from the sky.

As my tongue tastes the cinnamon roll I gaze out at the beauty of it all
The rain makes the earth strong.
It makes it beautiful
Things grow
People live
Spirits dance
And it's a better place because of the tears shed from above

Just as I am.
I'm stronger
I'm a more beautiful person
And my spirit dances as it grows

As my tears have made me a better person. Stronger.