It's not something I take lightly.
30.7.11
29.7.11
I feel like I'm stuck and I just can't get out
Curtains dance open as the wind rattles their weakest point.
Red blazes from the sun directly over the countertop.
Late in the season, birds chirp from afar.
The wind taunts at the room staying far its share time.
Clinging onto what power it has.
Knowing its strength, reviling in it.
Dust blown across the room shoved into the corner.
Left there for someone else to clean up.
The vase by the sink knocks over and shatters on the ground.
Another wisp and a coin rolls off the surface.
Gentle. Calm. In control. Mischievous.
The wind's chaos was successful.
Red blazes from the sun directly over the countertop.
Late in the season, birds chirp from afar.
The wind taunts at the room staying far its share time.
Clinging onto what power it has.
Knowing its strength, reviling in it.
Dust blown across the room shoved into the corner.
Left there for someone else to clean up.
The vase by the sink knocks over and shatters on the ground.
Another wisp and a coin rolls off the surface.
Gentle. Calm. In control. Mischievous.
The wind's chaos was successful.
28.7.11
It's easier for you to let me go
I threw up. It was gross and it was plentiful. The odd thing is I didn't have a fever. The previous 6-12 hours before I had eaten a banana so it couldn't have been food poisoning. I still feel sick. I feel rotten and no matter how many times I brush my teeth I can't get the grime away.
Maybe I didn't know the extent of what I'm feeling. Maybe it was stress or just plain life that brought this upon me.
Maybe I didn't know the extent of what I'm feeling. Maybe it was stress or just plain life that brought this upon me.
26.7.11
Were you just kidding?
OVERWHELMED
You know that moment when you look in the mirror and see that you're the largest girl present, and your partner is AMAZING, and telling you what you are doing wrong (because you are doing EVERYTHING wrong), and your coach is yelling faster, better technique, you didn't spin together, and then you're thrown into 3 bachacadas out of a double spin that was preceded by a kick that when you attempted your coach said "oh my" with a look of horror, and then your feet kill and your toes are bleeding, and you're not even sure of everyone's names, and you're thinking HOW ON EARTH DID I EVER MAKE THIS TEAM?!?!
Well. For those of you unfamiliar with this moment, let me tell you, it is one to make kittens cry.
I am completely in over my head. I feel so much from everywhere right now! And seeing my Timpview family made it all the harder. I LOVE the family. I will miss them like crazy. But I AM ready to push myself this year. I like being scared at rehearsal. I enjoy being driven so hard I don't DARE to give anything but my all. But.... I miss my family. A lot.
School isn't helping currently. My dumb dumb schedule won't flippin work out, which is lame because my classes all fit perfectly the school just decided not to put me in the ones I signed up for. And that means I have to get all of my supplies for school. And be ready for everything that comes with it.
Not to mention people. Goodness. They don't ever stick to what they say do they?
Right now I just feel utterly overwhelmed. I hope that I can cope.
Like Soul Surfer said, I don't need easy, I just need possible.
You know that moment when you look in the mirror and see that you're the largest girl present, and your partner is AMAZING, and telling you what you are doing wrong (because you are doing EVERYTHING wrong), and your coach is yelling faster, better technique, you didn't spin together, and then you're thrown into 3 bachacadas out of a double spin that was preceded by a kick that when you attempted your coach said "oh my" with a look of horror, and then your feet kill and your toes are bleeding, and you're not even sure of everyone's names, and you're thinking HOW ON EARTH DID I EVER MAKE THIS TEAM?!?!
Well. For those of you unfamiliar with this moment, let me tell you, it is one to make kittens cry.
I am completely in over my head. I feel so much from everywhere right now! And seeing my Timpview family made it all the harder. I LOVE the family. I will miss them like crazy. But I AM ready to push myself this year. I like being scared at rehearsal. I enjoy being driven so hard I don't DARE to give anything but my all. But.... I miss my family. A lot.
School isn't helping currently. My dumb dumb schedule won't flippin work out, which is lame because my classes all fit perfectly the school just decided not to put me in the ones I signed up for. And that means I have to get all of my supplies for school. And be ready for everything that comes with it.
Not to mention people. Goodness. They don't ever stick to what they say do they?
Right now I just feel utterly overwhelmed. I hope that I can cope.
Like Soul Surfer said, I don't need easy, I just need possible.
24.7.11
Thank your unlucky stars
I never think cleaning my room will be so hard, but somehow it always is.
Deep cleaning, not just the "throw my clothes in the hamper, and shoes in the closet" trick always leads to more than expected.
I'm not sure if there has ever been a time that I have gone threw my room without ending up in tears. It seems every time I begin to look through my papers or see old things I get caught up in old memories. I stumble upon unfulfilled promises, objects of importance, and words once held truthful.
Sometimes I find myself reading letters from my brother and tear up remembering how things were, or how proud I am that he is serving the lord.
Sometimes it's a CD from a friend I used to be close to and no longer talk to much.
Sometimes it's a letter from someone I cared about very much promising me things not kept.
Sometimes it's a present from a birthday from people I used to call every night and no longer have the privilege.
Sometimes it's a spiritual thought I wrote years ago that somehow applies perfectly to what I need in the current moment.
Sometimes it's a picture that I drew for things happening at the time, and wish I could go back to.
Sometimes it's a simple piece of wood, or a stuffed monkey, or a boulder, or a teddy bear.
Sometimes it's a note from my parents that I received in previous years at girl's camp that reminds me why they love me, and what I'm worth.
Sometimes it's a movie ticket that flashes me back to a day of smiles and laughter that's long in the past.
Sometimes it's a note I meant to put in my journal about how I felt at that time and I remember how hard it was and that's what evokes the tears.
No matter what it is that I find, there is always something. Cleaning my room isn't ever just a simple thing for me. It somehow leads to what I miss, what I want, and what I need.
Who would have ever thought?
Deep cleaning, not just the "throw my clothes in the hamper, and shoes in the closet" trick always leads to more than expected.
I'm not sure if there has ever been a time that I have gone threw my room without ending up in tears. It seems every time I begin to look through my papers or see old things I get caught up in old memories. I stumble upon unfulfilled promises, objects of importance, and words once held truthful.
Sometimes I find myself reading letters from my brother and tear up remembering how things were, or how proud I am that he is serving the lord.
Sometimes it's a CD from a friend I used to be close to and no longer talk to much.
Sometimes it's a letter from someone I cared about very much promising me things not kept.
Sometimes it's a present from a birthday from people I used to call every night and no longer have the privilege.
Sometimes it's a spiritual thought I wrote years ago that somehow applies perfectly to what I need in the current moment.
Sometimes it's a picture that I drew for things happening at the time, and wish I could go back to.
Sometimes it's a simple piece of wood, or a stuffed monkey, or a boulder, or a teddy bear.
Sometimes it's a note from my parents that I received in previous years at girl's camp that reminds me why they love me, and what I'm worth.
Sometimes it's a movie ticket that flashes me back to a day of smiles and laughter that's long in the past.
Sometimes it's a note I meant to put in my journal about how I felt at that time and I remember how hard it was and that's what evokes the tears.
No matter what it is that I find, there is always something. Cleaning my room isn't ever just a simple thing for me. It somehow leads to what I miss, what I want, and what I need.
Who would have ever thought?
22.7.11
Dancing slowly in an empty room
If I were a Wizard I would make it work.
I'd give you anything you'd want.
I'd make sure everything was right.
I'd sing a song or write you a book.
I'd tell you stories and whisper in your ear.
Wizards aren't real are they? No.
What a pity that would have been nice.
I love being high up in nature.
I think there is something so humbling about being at a different perspective.
To see all the cars pass. or the people. or the animals. or the trees.
It reminds me that I'm not the only thing in the world and that other people, other things, are here too and very important.
It reminds me of the life ahead, though I'm not sure how, and it gives me hope because of the life below.
I'd stay there forever.
I'd give you anything you'd want.
I'd make sure everything was right.
I'd sing a song or write you a book.
I'd tell you stories and whisper in your ear.
Wizards aren't real are they? No.
What a pity that would have been nice.
I love being high up in nature.
I think there is something so humbling about being at a different perspective.
To see all the cars pass. or the people. or the animals. or the trees.
It reminds me that I'm not the only thing in the world and that other people, other things, are here too and very important.
It reminds me of the life ahead, though I'm not sure how, and it gives me hope because of the life below.
I'd stay there forever.
17.7.11
YEARBOOK.
When we are 8 years old we get our picture's taken to symbolize the new person that we are with the whole baptism stuff and all. I got the pleasure of taking some pictures for my adorable nephew, Brayden's celebration of age.
When we are 8 years old we get our picture's taken to symbolize the new person that we are with the whole baptism stuff and all. I got the pleasure of taking some pictures for my adorable nephew, Brayden's celebration of age.
 |
| Brayden turns eight! |
 |
| Brayden looks sharp as he poses in his new suit |
 |
| CANDID |
 |
| From kid to boy, in just one night! |
10.7.11
Voices are child in sound fades away
As she sat alone in the room full of strangers she never felt so relaxed.
Only the time on her wristwatch was ticking counting the seconds until explosion.
This time too many people were there. But not enough people were there.
This time was different. Just like every time before had been different.
It was the same occurrence that had failed to ever happen before.
She opened her mouth and only white specks of matter spilled out.
She felt it. And so did they. But they weren't actually there.
Only the time on her wristwatch was ticking counting the seconds until explosion.
This time too many people were there. But not enough people were there.
This time was different. Just like every time before had been different.
It was the same occurrence that had failed to ever happen before.
She opened her mouth and only white specks of matter spilled out.
She felt it. And so did they. But they weren't actually there.
6.7.11
With walls as cold as a gallery
You read my blog.
I know you do.
I'm going to talk in vague stances so that I personally feel like you don't know that I'm talking about you.
Even though we both know I'm talking about you.
We will just pretend we don't.
Because when I use "the girl" or "you" on my blog it is obviously so secretive.
So here it goes
I went to your house and you had NO food. Seriously I thought it was a joke but when we opened your fridge you had 3 ears of corn and that was it. So we concluded to making cinnamon rolls and they were mighty fine. We sledded in the rain. We ended up talking to random strangers who gave us trash bags to wear and slide down the hill. Then yours ripped so you sat in the river. We sat and talked while the loudest thunder in the world errupted around us. We witnessed Voldemort and Harry's epic last battle. No joke. We ran drenched into your house and I ate a full container of ice cream and watched a black creature crawl out from underneath your bed. Oh how I miss those days with you. Even though they were yesterday. I am so glad that you don't know that I'm writing this post about you. Because my specific details make it obviously so vague.
Can't wait for our next adventures.
p.s. Pretty Little Liars soooooon.
I know you do.
I'm going to talk in vague stances so that I personally feel like you don't know that I'm talking about you.
Even though we both know I'm talking about you.
We will just pretend we don't.
Because when I use "the girl" or "you" on my blog it is obviously so secretive.
So here it goes
I went to your house and you had NO food. Seriously I thought it was a joke but when we opened your fridge you had 3 ears of corn and that was it. So we concluded to making cinnamon rolls and they were mighty fine. We sledded in the rain. We ended up talking to random strangers who gave us trash bags to wear and slide down the hill. Then yours ripped so you sat in the river. We sat and talked while the loudest thunder in the world errupted around us. We witnessed Voldemort and Harry's epic last battle. No joke. We ran drenched into your house and I ate a full container of ice cream and watched a black creature crawl out from underneath your bed. Oh how I miss those days with you. Even though they were yesterday. I am so glad that you don't know that I'm writing this post about you. Because my specific details make it obviously so vague.
Can't wait for our next adventures.
p.s. Pretty Little Liars soooooon.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)