I know how to book a ticket. And I know how to board a train.

So... It's cheesy. But that's what mood I'm in.

It was your special day. So I did everything for you.
Breakfast in bed, a movie during the day, a walk on the beach.
I even bought those expensive raspberries from your favorite market just because it was your day.
I sprayed the house down with your favorite smells,
And I listened to your favorite music even though I hate it.
I took you to that museum that you love and a picnic for lunch.
I packed all of your favorite foods that took an hour to prepare.
I looked into your eyes and told you everything I've ever held back.
For your special day. I gave you everything.


Then it hit.
Thunderous screams from both sides of the kitchen.
That night we didn't sleep, but screamed instead.
You said what you said because you knew it would hurt me.
I yelled back everything I hoped would break your heart.
It was the worst one yet. The biggest downfall of our story.
The cut to the string, and the whip in the fall.
Tears drowned the floor coming from both faces.
I know I'll never forget that night.


I dreaded the day that was to come.
My special day just for me.
I'd lay in bed all day, never coming out, just waiting for it to be over.
It came slowly and with it each increasing moment hurt more and cut deeper.


When the morning broke that day I hadn't talked to you in a week.
The longest week of my life. But today was my day.
I woke up to 36 roses surrounding my bed with a note from you.
The words directed me on a little hunt.
So I slipped on my socks and shuffled downstairs where the best food I'd ever imagined awaited me.
And then you were with a smile on your face saying, It's your day, nothing was going to ruin it.
I lifted my arms around you and drifted off into the sweet smell of the syrup on your hands.
You took me to my favorite park and we played like little kids.
You brought me to the food shelter that we first met at. We served the food, and had even more fun than the first time.
A trip to the zoo to see all my favorite animals was already enough, but you outdid yourself with a personal song written just for me on your guitar.
You held me as we star gazed and I looked into your eyes.
Why did you do all this for me? I asked.
You knew I was referring to our fight.
I don't care what happened. You replied. I care too much about you to not repay what you gave to me.
A silly little fight couldn't ever change my mind. This is your day. And I promised to make it special.
I never break a promise to you.
Never.


So I closed my eyes. And stayed in that moment forever.

She said, "What are you talking about?" He said, "You."

So. I'm going to share my photo narrative from English with all of you. It's kind of long. But hey, no one is making you read it.  But just so you know, the picture is of me 5 years old, adorable as heck, sleeping on a chair with my hair up and my dance outfit, tights, and shoes still on. I'll try uploading it later. But for now, enjoy this picture of an oversized Tuna Fish.

Little kids resist all forms of responsibility. It’s just a fact of life. As I fell asleep in my dance costume, not even in my own fluffed bed, all I attempted to do was resist the command to get some rest. I still had my mounds of make-up on, my hair was still done up, and my scratchy outfit still clung to my little body as I darted around the living room. My parents’ direction to go to bed was purely for my benefit, so I could be healthy. But as an infant I assumed they just wanted to ruin my fun. So I danced and I pranced until I collapsed and wiped out on the couch. With a careful snap of a photo lense, my mother was able to capture my disobedience with unwavering evidence. The Image shows my bow was tied neatly to my hair as it complimented my tights that laid as perfectly placed as when I had first slipped them on, proving I’d made no attempt to remove them and change into sleepwear. The tap shoes on my feet were still laced to aptness and my ballet slippers had failed to find their way back into the closet, and instead harbored in between my legs. My hand pressed against my face showed the battle that was fought over my defiance to cooperate, which resulted in the stubborn sleep on the family’s famous-for-being-lumpy chair. I was a typical five-year-old who just wanted freedom. I wanted the rules to change to suit my liking better. It’s amazing how life has moved on, tables have turned, and now I miss the rules I once had.

                        Even in the potty training days I was a devious child. I distinctly remember the rule in my home that if I went to the bathroom on the toilet I would get a fresh candy bar. I’d waddle into the tight square room and dance around for thirty seconds or so, until I felt time was up. Then I’d execute my plan. I would send the unbothered toilet water off to join the neighbors recently deceased fish. I’d scrub my hands clean, and stretch on tiptoes to open the door; my mother would be standing there waiting, so proud, with a Twix in hand.

            As I grew older I continued to bend rules. I’d fake a few sicknesses to get a day out of school, bring a flashlight into my room to avoid punctual bedtime, and climb on the counter to get to the highest shelf that contained my favorite afternoon snack: pure sugar.

            While I was a child who snuck around systems of order, I’ve learned much more since then. As a 3.9 G.P.A. student, an athlete, and a dancer, excess sugar has become repulsive to me, swimming the Atlantic would be simpler than missing a day of school, and I’d trade a lunch with the Prime Minister of England for a good afternoon of sleep. What I didn’t know when I was that five-year –old girl in the picture was how much I’d miss the things I fought against. At that moment all I wanted was to decide my own rules. Once I had more freedom and the power to do just that, I longed for the days where these rules were the only problems my life seemed to have. As the years go on I’ve begun to miss the things I once viewed as punishment. My perspective has changed with my age and my need for certain things has along with it. It makes me wonder if in twenty years I’ll enjoy cleaning the toilet. 

illuminate the NOs on their vacancy signs

Hunger Games Will be a movie.

Katniss Everdeen:
-Dark hair.
-Independent
-16 years old
-Kisses boys
-Wins
-Well-fit
-Hard
-Little sister
-Triumphant

I will be Katniss.

I was a flight risk, afraid of fallin

Hers mine and his

As the mysteries of the envelope unravel I remember what memories to cherish

It makes me happy, no hard feelings anymore

The words are life as they speak the past

A smile as I pass a picture, I laugh as I remember a word

A ring on my finger that October evening

the shine from our smiles brighter then the diamond

A walk down the aisle in May

A future we didn't expect

That old blue house in the middle of town came with so little

And we took so much away from it

As the grass grew high and we refused to cut it,

the kitchen rang with smells of truth.

I haven't forgotten the long nights awake,

or the song on the radio that took my breath out from me

I still smell the odor from the roughed up carpet

And the roof that took to long to stay put.

I recall the beginning and now to the end

Our little blue house changed so much as we did too

The laughs of guests, the calls from friends, the nights alone

The tears, the change, the hurt

It's all over it's gone now

I haven't moved my feet back even if i've wanted

And you haven't even looked back

It was good those years together

But I see the change in you

I see the change in me

Although the house is not ours any longer

It doesn't need us , just like you didn't need me

But when I look back, I smile, I remember

And think of only one thing to say.

Thank You.

Then we will make it through one more year

I love B.J.
He makes my day
He is the bomb history partner

I love things right now.
I'm so happy about yesterday.
It has made me happy all day.

I love my boys.
I love forcing malcolm to answer things on a scale from 1-17
I enjoy Days runs.

I fancy Eric.
He makes my day just about everyday.
He shares his yogurt with me.

I love lunch with Joe, Taylor, Malcolm, Henry, and Eric.
I want Taylor Swift to release her new album already.
That would be grand.

I love my best friend who lets me borrow her dresses.
And returns my statue of liberty costume.
A year later....

I love sonic food with Macall.
I love that I can be honest to Macall about everything.
I like-a-me-the-cream-slushes.

I love getting daily awards from Stookey.
I laugh hardest when it's the grammar award.
I love classic Stookey faces.

I love my mama.
She does SO much for me.
And always loves me most.

I love how I'm horrible at food choices.
Orange chicken bowl... Pumpkin Jamba.....
Then Flaming hot cheetos?

I love how everyone thinks I'm such a slacker.
Okay I don't actually love that.
I just am really busy aight?!

I love A cappella.
I like the "I will eat you close, enfold you."
I have a good time all the time in that class.

I love my little sister.
I love that her left ankle, arm, and knee
are all wrapped in some sort of bandage.

I love that I'm doing this when I should be doing homework.
I know Mama Faber loves that too.
but not really........

You think I'm pretty without any make-up on.

Lauren is 16. can I just remind everyone of that?

Dates this weekend :) yes.
Lemme give the down low on the best weekend ever to exist.

Cross Country Race:
-Let's make this not awkward.
-"You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream!"
-Mayson's essay about hands :)
-"Joeberry, seriously... you are being the most annoying freshman right now... and (it went on and didn't -turn out pretty.)" hahahahaha.
-Having to pee SO badly.
-Running the best course ever.
-Drive home.... crying to a song on the radio
-Cariel and me smiling creepily at cars next to us.


Date with Brandon
-Brandon's shirt
-Brandon's mustache
-Costa Vida
-Nuff said.

Homecoming Game:
-SEEMA BINDERBAN
-talking with my girl Emily
-Seeing my Acting Up! Girls
-Talking with Hunter
-Kicking Mountain View's Trash

Benton Paul Concert:
-on top of a parking garage
-Being with Zach, Jessica, and Kyle
-The cool decorations
-The girl who was texting so angrily
-The boy who was attempting to sing to his girlfriend
-The LOVELY music
-watching PSYCH after
-discovering Sean isn't actually psychic.
-falling asleep as always

Acting Up!
-seeing my mare bear, and Maddie, and Jamie, and everyone else that I love
-preparing fireside
-car chats with Ben Jacob

Homecoming Day Date
-Are you team Edward or Jacob?
-"I'll sing with you." "Um... I have to go home."
-"Well, we're hardly strangers."
-"This is a business, get out right now."
- The many theme songs.
-"I don't have H.I.V. I called the hotline."
-"Joggers, Joggers."
-"Chug, Chug, Chug, Chug!"
-"That's like telling a baby they don't know how to breathe."
-"will you kiss her, or hug or something?" "Get some."
-B.J. rolling over Eric as they rolled down the hill
-"P.D.A. Hen?" "Thought about it."

Homecoming Dinner:
-Eating that divine meal
-Everyone's how they got asked and answered stories
-Whispering to Emily.
-Chocolate Cheesecake

HomeComing:
-Great picture poses
-Your love is my drug.
-Dancing with Henry, of course.
-Going crazy with Steff.
-Seeing everyone.
-Displaying all of my very very crazy dance moves
-Getting crepes
-Yelling "Eric" in a really deep voice.

Videos:
-That women's face when Jacob said "what the bones."
-Watching all of the epic moments of our group
-Winning. Because I don't like losing
-Emma latching onto me and not letting go.
-Sleeping after a wonderful wonderful day.


So yes, this weekend was thee absolute best. And next weekend? SO pumped for. Orem Comp, Springville homecoming, and a party and a half. This week is CARZY. Like my life always is. But that's how I like it.

I don't remember you lookin any better. But then again I don't remember you.

Today was one of those days. It was one of those days where you express yourself.
People may not know this about me. but... I am very self conscious.


I'm afraid to put myself out there and I hate feeling like a dork.
It takes everything I have to do the things I do.
One of those things is make sure I do things that make me look like a complete dork.
When there are spirit days to me those are days to go ALL OUT.
Although, going all out is hard for me. I make myself wear the silly things that I do so that I'll get over my insecurities and look the most ridiculous that I can. The whole time I'm walking into the school I am actually overcome with embarrassment. But I tell myself that I can do it and I make myself. So that way I'm used to being someone people can expect craziness from.

So today I went to school as a pregnant women. why? because it was adult day. I'm not going to wear some business outfit while all the other grades get to dress up cool. That is just WAY too lame. And I don't do lame. So I got on a belly, one of my mother's dresses, some glasses, pulled my hair up, and was ready to go. The reactions I got were clear. It was a brilliant idea given to me by Catie Brown, by the way, that I mustered enough guts to actually fulfill. Everyone loved it. (or was totally creeped out by it) but it was funny either way.

So when I'm talking to my dear friends at lunch and my arm gets yanked away by some lady who works in the office and tells me that I "need to come with her" I'm a little confused. She sits me down and tells me to wait until Dr. Bayles (if that's even how you spell his name?) comes. Im sitting there about to cry because I don't get in trouble, it's not something that I do, and I'm about to be yelled at for being creative (something the world is trying to stop these days). Dr. Bayles never showed up so instead my conversation with Monks went a little like this:
(conversation is not exactly word for word but as close as the author can recollect)
Monks: So I see you decided to wear something inappropriate to school today.
Me: That's what I hear, but I don't see how it's inappropriate
Monks: It is not appropriate for high school students.
Me (dumbfounded and honestly don't even know how to respond): Um.... well when I was thinking through what to wear I definitely didn't think this would be inappropriate.... I'm an adult..... So how in the future would you like me to decide if what I wear for spirit days is inappropriate or not?
Monks: well... you need to clear it with the Student Government leaders.
Me: I had Miss Baker's class today and she thought it was hilarious.
Monks: Well..... we just hope that our students will be smarter than that.
Me: Uh...... ok.
Monks: You're not in trouble, that's just inappropriate for high school students and you need to go change so we can all enjoy the rest of the day. And before a student or a teacher says anything about it.
Me: Uh... okay. I can do that I guess.
Monks: there's a bathroom right over there, do it before you leave the office.
Me: Okay.


end conversation:
so basically what I understand is that to be an adult and have children is not.... appropriate? Not that in school we learn so much about having a family.... and being able to pay for them... and being parents.... and how children are made...... but if you think that demonstrating what being an adult honestly has in store, think twice..... cause. It's inappropriate.


I didn't mean to offend anyone.... really? Just trying to show my school spirit. But they don't even let you do that anymore.


My parents thought the idea was brilliant. They thought it was hilarious. The perfect way to resemble an adult. My sister was a wee offended... cause she is pregnant.... and married of course....




I even wore a wedding ring with the outfit.

My bones are shifting in my skin

well wow. what a day it has been. one of those days that makes you happy. cause it can only go up from here :)

Keep Breathing:
The one the only: Ingrid.

The storm is coming but i don't mind. 
People are dying, i close my blinds. 

All that i know is i'm breathing now. 

I want to change the world...instead i sleep. 
I want to believe in more than you and me. 

But all that i know is i'm breathing. 
All i can do is keep breathing. 
All we can do is keep breathing now. 

All that i know is i'm breathing. 
All i can do is keep breathing. 
All we can do is keep breathing now. 

All we can do is keep breathing 
All we can do is keep breathing 
All we can do is keep breathing 
All we can do is keep breathing. 
All we can do is keep breathing now.

You taught me how to make believe

You know? Life is goooooooooooooooooood.

It's grand. Fabulous. Amazing. Fantastic. Any other word to describe it.

I love it. I love life. I love living.