It's the simply things that bring a smile most days.

If you knew me would you finally let me free

Occasionally, on certain days, I feel confident in what I am doing.
Most days I straggle and gaggle along not looking for anything except the everything.
If the definition of insanity is "doing something over and over but expecting a different result" then I must be far past the point of a mental disorder.


At least I'm a dreamer.

To lay his heart on the bathroom rug

FINALLY.

Something to live for again.

See you pull the darkness right down over me

I'm in a relationship. It's abusive and it's extremely hard work. Sometimes at night I can't sleep because it all consumes my mind so much. Lately I've been brought to tears daily because of all that's happening. I've never had something rip me apart so much or make me so vulnerable. I can't get through a class, or a lesson without everything consuming or crossing my mind. I have nightmares about it ending, about something going wrong. It puts pressure on my body, soul, and emotions. 

    Even with all this, somehow it's all worth it. The love I have is immeasurable. I've never been so head over heels, or so engulfed in a relationship like this. It will all pay off, it has to pay off.

My name is Lauren Faber, and I'm in a relationship with ballroom dancing.

I'm obsessed, and admitting it is the first step, I hear. 

Only one problem: I don't want to get over it. 

I don't know where to go, can't do it alone

Sometimes memories aren't enough.


If the only other person in the situation forgets everything, did it really happen?

I'm in love with someone else

I have a disorder. A disease really. I think it's called me.

I'm quirky and quiet. But who would have guessed?

"Choose my three words"

Energetic, thebestpersonever, nice.

I don't always like people. But I don't think like is quiet understood how people think it means.
I am afraid. Scared of them really. All of them. And that my folks is quiet abnormal.
But not wrong. Nothing is wrong with how I am. I am me and people can take that. Or they don't have to, as many have chosen.


I just want silence sometimes because I like to think inside my head more than aloud with others.

Today is January. But it is not January. 






Sometimes the past isn't the past at all, but it was all an alternate world that won't ever come back. If you cease to think about it, it would cease to exist, because that's all you have left of any of it: memories.

It's all that I want

So I think my niece loves Zebras, but it's just a hunch. 

This is  different song about a zebra

This is a different one about a Zebra too, they are different my niece swears. 

Seriously they are different.....? This one is more upbeat according to Ellie.

And this one is different because it's about her being a princess and loving her Zebra.

Yet another... Zebra song

Alright that's it we all have to love Zebras, obviously if we don't Zebbia will die, Ellie will cease to be a mother, and the world will end. 

I can't make you love me

Sometimes numbers say it all

10 dances to run through each practice
9 weeks until nationals
8 months until I'm 18
7 AM is the time I have to be at dance tomorrow
6 days until my family arrives
5 even days until the assembly
4 shows start this month that I watch
3 grades to get up to A's
2 dates this weekend
1 freak'n astounding year to live

Blame it on my ADD baby

About time I thought to myself, I thought "Hey look at what you have."

It's 43 minutes past 1, and I've never felt more alive as I sit on my bed and type these thoughts that mingle into words somehow.

Something within the past month has changed. Something with me has become a new person.

I'm still afraid of people, and myself, and I still get anxiety and have a hard time letting people see me as me. But I'm getting much better at it.

Somehow I feel like I've realized what's important. I don't need to go to a party or do something the outside folks view as exciting.

I can do crazy random things because I want to and let go of things that I don't want and hold on to things that I do.

if something isn't working out there is a reason for that. I can feel for someone just what that last person had to offer, they are out there somewhere and I don't need them right now, not if that's not the plan.

Family is the basis, it's the most important thing in the world. A good movie, a bowl of soup and my family to share in the weirdness of my very essence is all i really need. 

i feel as if i finally know what to do. It isn't plausable or even quite fathomable but all these little particles of thoughts are floating around in my head, and while their meaning can't be changed into printed word the motions they make in my head form the most perfect sentences. 

We all have everything. A quiet New Years at the home of someone I barely know was more than I could ask for. 

I'm not concerned with other people so much, it's all going to work out. 

Somehow memories are more than a past thought in my head these days, they mean more and I'm more blessed because of them but somehow not missing them. 

There is a difference between what is and what was. While what was may have been perfect the present is nothing less than Ideal.