maybe next year.

Party Like it's your birthday

I said there was one thing that I wanted for my Birthday.
ONE thing.


Please make it come true.

So we could party too. Hey!

I can't believe this is happening.
Honestly and truly I can't.
I never thought I'd make it.
Then again... maybe I won't!
I really truly, honestly, for reals, never ever thought I'd make this day.
It can't be tomorrow. It can't be.
That's too real.
I thought it was a dream.
Something I really have been looking forward to since I was 12 years old.
And now it's here.
It's a day away.
Even if for others it wasn't a big deal at all...
This is one of those things since I was a little girl It's all I wanted to be.
It was one of those dreams that was so far away I thought I'd never make it.
And here it is. Right in front of me.
Less than 24 hours away.
No one ruins this for me. No one.
It's mine.
Tick tock. FINALLY here.
It's unbelievable. I can't grasp it.
Tomorrow.....


16.

Please look closely and find her before she fades away

I feel overwhelmed.
That kind of feeling when you get after reading a good book and you don't want it to end.
When you honestly feel what the characters were feeling.
When you feel your life is so boring and meaningless in comparison that you have so much you need to do and can't bring yourself to do any of it.
That feeling when you had a horrible race and all you want to do is improve but you injured your flippin hip which detains you from not only running, but dancing as well.
When you feel like you've been pushed back into a sea of people that are never going to change their opinions about you.
When you basically have the same people in all of your classes.
When people's sarcasm pushes you over the edge.
When you know you miss the thing that you long to have most, but can't.
When you can't find a dress for homecoming.
(when you're SO excited you got asked :) :) :) ))
That feeling when all you ever want to do lately is sleep.
Or when you're forced alone for hours on end and can't find anything to do with yourself.
When people saying anything makes you want to punch them in the face.
When you have creepy dreams that haunt you because they were so disturbing and frightening.
That feeling when you think you're losing connection with everyone.
When you can't figure out your schedule because it's honestly so crazy.
When you're afraid of talking to people.
Or when the lady who is making your dress won't answer her phone and you miss an opportunity for an appointment you likely won't be able to make time for in the near future.
When you just want life at ease.
Yet you're still completely happy through all of this?
Even if you don't show it?
But really are having a great-crazy-fun-wonderful time?

yeah. That's how I feel.

Some Ghosts are Never Gone

So Anyway

Next To Normal:

So anyway I'm leaving

I thought you'd like to know

You faithful come-what-may

But clearly I can't stay

We'd both go mad that way

So here I go

And anyway I'm leaving

I guess that you can tell

For years I fought the dread

I wish I'd left instead

But better late than dead

And so farewell

With you always beside me

To catch me when I fall

I'd never get to know the feel

Of solid ground at all

With you always believing

That we can still come through

It makes me feel the fool

To know that it's not true

What doctors call dysfunction

We tried to call romance

And true it's quite a trick

To tell the dancers from the dance

But rather than let chance take me

I'll take a chance

I'll take a chance on leaving

It's that or stay and die

I loved you once and though

You love me still I know

It's time for me to fly

I loved you once and though

I love you still I know

It's time for me to go

And so, goodbye

There comes a time when you fade to the blackness

I don't want my birthday to come.

I don't want to talk about it.

I don't want this to be a big deal.

I don't want school to start.

I don't want to miss you.

I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night.

I don't want to cry anymore.

I don't want to hurt anymore.

I don't want to keep bending rules.

I don't want to put up with the mean things you say.

I don't want to go through loop holes.

I don't want to be someone that I'm not.

I don't want it to be August 30th.

I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't I can't.

Would it be okay? Would it be okay if I took your breath away?

Look me in the eyes when you talk to me.
Stop veering your attention to lies.
Use real words when you speak to me.
Not repetitive ways of goodbyes.


Mean what you say. And say what you mean.
Do what you want. But want what you do.


Be the kind of person you wish you were.
Live the way you told me you would.


Tell me again what you want.
Tell it to my face.


Stand up. Be it.


Now look me in the eyes.
And believe it.