Loneliness can be the greatest punisher.
As winter winds litter the streets while falling particles invade the room meant for others.
Across the world the city sleeps, an empty room, a forgotten pillow.
Being awake isn't much better.
I'd rather be asleep, but not dreaming.
26.12.11
20.12.11
19.12.11
It was not your fault but mine
Freedom.
The freedom to do what you want? Or the freedom to not have consequences?
Our choices determine our freedom. We can choose what we want but some choices we once thought to set us free bind us forever.
Is free sitting on an empty park bench not caring as the stranger passes by?
Is free finally getting what you want but for a cost?
Could being free mean living a constructed life with rules, regulations, and traditions?
Do the things that regulate our life actually make us free?
I want to be free to run through an open meadow field with arms wide open, an array of everything and anything on my sides. I want to be free to have who I want with me and reciprocate the desire. I want to depict my own definition of love. I want to reach to the sky and grab whatever matter my fingertips are pleased by. I want to be free to control everything I feel, not the other way around.
I want to be free to express what I think in an instance time and be welcomed by the remark. Freedom often leads to solitude. Which is more rewarding?
I want to be free with you. Whoever you are.
Destiny is no matter of chance it is a matter of choice.
Just between you and me
Lights coming from everywhere.
"What's your favorite one?" I asked as we held hand in hand.
"I'll let you know when I find it," he replied with that smile I loved.
We walked around the block commenting on each thing we thought beautiful and what it meant to us. Perfect sky out that cold December night. We passed the largest tree in the yard.
"This one is my favorite," he whispered in my ear.
"Why is that?" I wondered.
"It's big and beautiful, I don't know, it's just, it's my favorite."
"Fair Enough."
The night grew older as it always seems to do. We walked to a small side area.
"This one."
"This one?"
"Yes. It is beautiful. Among all these other elaborate lights it doesn't get noticed, but if I were driving down a street and someone had this in their yard it would be the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. It goes unnoticed here, but its simplicity is beautiful."
The corners of his mouth curled upward and I heard that chuckle I knew better than my own.
"What is it?" I had to ask.
"It's just... never mind."
"Please tell me."
"It's just, I love you."
"What? Say it again."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
And as he leaned in the lights behind us looked more wonderful than ever.
"What's your favorite one?" I asked as we held hand in hand.
"I'll let you know when I find it," he replied with that smile I loved.
We walked around the block commenting on each thing we thought beautiful and what it meant to us. Perfect sky out that cold December night. We passed the largest tree in the yard.
"This one is my favorite," he whispered in my ear.
"Why is that?" I wondered.
"It's big and beautiful, I don't know, it's just, it's my favorite."
"Fair Enough."
The night grew older as it always seems to do. We walked to a small side area.
"This one."
"This one?"
"Yes. It is beautiful. Among all these other elaborate lights it doesn't get noticed, but if I were driving down a street and someone had this in their yard it would be the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen. It goes unnoticed here, but its simplicity is beautiful."
The corners of his mouth curled upward and I heard that chuckle I knew better than my own.
"What is it?" I had to ask.
"It's just... never mind."
"Please tell me."
"It's just, I love you."
"What? Say it again."
"I love you."
"I love you too."
And as he leaned in the lights behind us looked more wonderful than ever.
17.12.11
A thousand more
It's okay to be afraid, little one, not everyone can always be brave.
It's okay to not know the future and what it holds, no one knows.
It's okay to be alone little one, we all go through it sometime.
It's okay so be afraid, but don't let that control you.
It's okay to cry, it is not a sign of weakness.
Everything will be perfect. For the moment you can be afraid, you can wonder, it's okay.
But don't be afraid forever. Get over that fear.
In the battle of life and fear don't let fear win, don't let him have that pleasure over you.
It's okay to be afraid, little one, but it is not okay to let fear win.
It's okay to not know the future and what it holds, no one knows.
It's okay to be alone little one, we all go through it sometime.
It's okay so be afraid, but don't let that control you.
It's okay to cry, it is not a sign of weakness.
Everything will be perfect. For the moment you can be afraid, you can wonder, it's okay.
But don't be afraid forever. Get over that fear.
In the battle of life and fear don't let fear win, don't let him have that pleasure over you.
It's okay to be afraid, little one, but it is not okay to let fear win.
14.12.11
Life is full of maybes
The evening came and the preparation still vacant.
Everything was fine though because you were just that person.
A little technology device seemed so save us all.
All the hurt and the silence, now just the questions.
The booming screen came to life as I died in your arms.
The next 2 hours were a blur to me as I drifted into wonderland with that animal I named Paul.
I realized what had happened, yet my mind could not fathom the concept still.
It was the first time snowy skies delighted me and even kept me smiling in my sleep.
Until 3:00 I talked in a crazy, frantic, nonsense only you would enjoy.
Blow out your candles now. Another year.
Everything was fine though because you were just that person.
A little technology device seemed so save us all.
All the hurt and the silence, now just the questions.
The booming screen came to life as I died in your arms.
The next 2 hours were a blur to me as I drifted into wonderland with that animal I named Paul.
I realized what had happened, yet my mind could not fathom the concept still.
It was the first time snowy skies delighted me and even kept me smiling in my sleep.
Until 3:00 I talked in a crazy, frantic, nonsense only you would enjoy.
Blow out your candles now. Another year.
Careful what you steal today.
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