Bye Bye Birdie.

Have you ever felt really confused?
Like really really confused??
Like you don't know who you are anymore.
And you don't know what you want.
And you don't even know who is reading this.
And out of those people you don't know who cares?
And then you feel like the world isn't real.
Like the next day doesn't matter.
And everything you have once felt... is different
That you are different?
That everything about you is someone who you aren't
Someone that you don't like.
And you just want to find yourself again.
But you can't, because you are in this strange fake world.
And no matter what you try
You can't breath and something is beating down on you.
And two years ago you were not who you are today.
And yesterday you wanted something completely different than you do today?
And that you like to read and watch movies... and lay in the grass.... because you don't have to talk that way?
And that the color of the sky is controlled by a man in a red suit pulling really big switches to whatever color he desires and slightly resembles Santa Claus.
And the bed you're sleeping in is getting smaller and smaller that your arms have to hang off the side?
And once they do, they could be grabbed by anyone.
And that black and brown actually do  go together?
And that... no matter what you do... you've wronged too much to change who you are again?
And that sometimes looking at someone will be enough... but it's not.
And that sometimes you don't know how to tell people something without them getting offended.
And sometimes you can't make room for everyone in your life.... but you try.
While at the same time you feel like you don't actually have anyone?
And you want to do everything. But you can't do everything.
Because you are just you.
And that no matter how many times you brush your teeth you will still have cavities.
And that everything you eat is always whole so it doesn't matter what you try to do.
And that sometimes even the people who you think love you, and the people you love don't need to be around you because you aren't good for them, you don't need to be there, they are fine without you.
And sometimes don't you wish you could be your little self again, pulling in random men who ring the doorbell only wanting to fix your heating, and end up having them show you pictures of their family.
Don't you wish that.
Am I the only one who ever feels like this?
It's a strange feeling.
But... it's one I feel often.

..