Worrying About Others

Today has been better. It has been much much better. I'm becoming happy again. But not on my own. Through everything the church is helping me with. One thing I've realized is that I AM STRONG. I'm not perfect and I slip up and need my time to cool down too, but I'm handling everything well I think. I know how to fix it now. I want to stop thinking about it and fix it by helping others. Today I put a constructive list together of things that I can do when I am bored to become a better person. I know how much I need to strengthen my family relationships and how much I need to reach out to those who need it, who may be calling but no one is answering. My lessons in church today were on how I make people feel, How the atonement blesses lives, how no matter what happened to Joseph he did the right thing, and then good communication and how to trust others. It's amazing how the gospel works. I felt so good at church today. I didn't want to leave and that was a new feeling for me. Everything is going to take so much time and that's the one thing that worries me, but I want to help others and I want to make sure I'm being the best that I can be. I know that i can be happy when I find happiness in the right things. Forgiveness isn't easy, but I know that it is possible. Even if things don't turn out how I want (which it seems no one's life turns out quite how they want, but in the long run it is better for them) I know they will turn out how they are supposed to if I keep becoming a better person.

Not to say any of this is easy. None of it will be. In fact, I know it will one of the hardest things that I have done, but I'm ready to do it. I'm going to get disappointed and discouraged, of course I know that, but that doesn't make things impossible. Everything is possible to get through, and trial will make me a stronger better person. I don't hate anyone and I just want to help. The gospel is such a beautiful thing and I challenge any one whose faith and testimony has been challenged to try to do everything they can to gain a true understanding of the gospel, by studying, living it, and loving it.

The very hardest part will be to make a permanent change. One that last, one that sticks, one that I know is worth changing for. I've wasted so much time already and I'm not going to waste anymore, there are so many other people out there who need comfort, who need to know that it will all be alright. Im fine. Im okay. I don't need people worrying about me anymore because I'm honestly getting through it. I can do hard things, I have done hard things, and I'm ready to do harder things. I'm just so glad I'm finally seeing what I need to do, and who I need to help out. I love everyone who has helped me and the effort that they have put in, but please make room for forgiveness and improvement in your hearts too. I know this has been long, but the crazy thing is, it's not even close to everything I'm thinking right now. Don't give up and strive for courage and to get the best you deserve. If you work hard enough, through truth, honesty, perseverance, faith, effort, and loyalty you can get whatever it is that you want most. Just make sure you're absolutely positive you know what that is.

-me.